Gotcha Day: March 4, 2019

The Crow Family is officially a party of four!  

That’s it in a nutshell.  Its hard to even know where to start with trying to relate the experience of meeting our new son Bin for the first time.  What a process, and what emotions.  Our guide Susan picked us up in our hotel lobby about 2:15pm and took us to the civil affairs office where we would meet Bin for the first time, fill out paperwork, ask and answer questions, and then leave with our new son!  We were brought into a large room with couches and a conference table.  Our guide started scurrying around with numerous other people, all women, and compiling paperwork and chatting quickly among themselves.  There was an acute sense of swift efficiency about them.  Another couple came into the room shortly after us. They were from Italy and meeting their two year old son for the first time.  We got a sneak peak of our immediate future when a lady walked into the room with a sweet tiny boy, who turned out to be the other couple’s son.  He took one look at the couple and immediately burst into tears and started crying.  Our hearts went out to all of them and we felt intrusive being in there to witness the whole thing.  We tried our best to awkwardly try to give them as much privacy as one could give being in the same open room with someone else.  A few minutes later it was our turn. 

I’ve used the analogy of the adoption process to pregnancy.  Months and months of waiting, preparation, anticipation, joy, and a little bit of fear.  This was the labor and delivery room and our son was about to come into our world.  The main difference was that this time, he would walk through the door on his own two feet.  He would know exactly what is about to happen. He would take one look at his new family, make an immediate first impression judgement, and act on his feelings with complete disregard to anyone or anything.  But hey, no pressure right?

When they turned the corner and came into the room with Bin, our hearts melted just as they did the first time we saw his picture.  Coincidentally, he was also wearing the exact same outfit that he had on in the last photo of him that we were sent.  Gotta give them props for truth in advertising!

As they slowly approached us, Bin was straight-faced and stoic. I couldn’t help but immediately start viewing the whole experience through his eyes.  He had to be absolutely terrified.  As soon as the other adoption officials and nannies saw him come into the room they descended on him and surrounded him. They all started talking to him at once, pointing to us, smiling, and immediately nudging him forward towards these weirdos he was expected to leave with today for the rest of his life.  Not surprisingly, that’s when he lost it.  The brave face disappeared and the tears began to roll.  The crying and abject horror on his sweet little face was heartbreaking.  We all smiled and waved at him and tried our best to say “hello” in Chinese.  They tried to console him for several minutes to no avail while he slowly backed into a corner.  We tried to get close enough to interact with him without totally invading his personal space.  We had brought toys for him and chocolate candy, hoping it would be a good ice breaker.  This poor kid wanted nothing to do with any of it.  We held out these trifles to him and he shook his head and backed away.  It was as if by accepting any of these, he would be signing an irrevocable contract where he agreed to leave everything he’d ever known and go off with these strangers into the unknown forever.  He was no fool, and he wasn’t about to fall for that trick. 

Eventually the paperwork was done, the tears had temporarily run out, the group photos were taken, and there was nothing left to do but leave with our new son.  Bin fought for his very life as his poor nannies carried out the unenviable task of manhandling the poor crying, thrashing child into this van full of complete strangers who were kidnapping him.  It didn’t help that he then watched them get into their own car and drive away, while we immediately followed them out the gate.  He stood between me and Rhonda, refusing to sit, reaching out towards the car in front while sobbing and crying out for them.

The ride back to the hotel was about 45 minutes.  This was just the amount of time in took Bin to cry out his store of tears until exhaustion.  Our guide talked to him the whole way and although I couldn’t understand what they were saying, I could tell Bin was doing his level best to convince this lady that all of this was a terrible mistake and she was the only one who could save him.  About five minutes before arriving at the hotel, he seemed to resign himself to his fate and became quiet.  At the hotel, we got out, said goodbye to Susan (our guide and the only person who could translate for us), and began the walk to our hotel room as a family of four. 

As we walked off the elevators to head to our room, we turned a corner- both literally and figuratively.  When we came into the hotel room, Bin paused to look around and take measure of the place.  He nonchalantly walked around on a self-tour, checking the bathrooms, closets, and corners.  Afterwards he sat down on the couch and started playing with the small etch a sketch we had brought for him.  He turned out to absolutely love that thing, so score one for the new big sister who picked it out at the store before we left for China. 

We gave him some space and time to decompress while offering water, snacks, toys, etc. now and then.  Slowly, he began to accept our offers. He became interested in the toys, drank the water and juice we offered him, and started munching on the snacks.  Abigail was so sweet and patient with him.  She attended to him vigilantly, immediately ready at the slightest perception of anything he might need. By dinner time he was happily playing, laughing, smiling, playing peek-a-boo around the door with his new family and laughing hysterically when we acted surprised.  We walked across the street to a local restaurant for an early dinner before heading back to the room for the night.  

He happily accepted his new Spider Man pajamas. When we started getting the beds ready for the night he immediately went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth without being asked.  He came out and sat on the side of the bed and took off his shoes and socks, carefully placing them next to the bed.  At the orphanage the children put their shoes and socks on before getting out of bed so he would do that whenever he got up to go to the bathroom.  He also impressed us by automatically picking up all his toys and belongings and neatly placing them together in one corner of the room.  It didn’t take long for all of us to pass out after getting ready for bed.  We were all physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from the day we had just had together.  But we went to bed happy, as a newly completed family of four.  It was an amazing day.